As The Space Needle Turns
by Stephanie18
Summary: DA soap opera, what could be better? If you said "Nothing, sir!" You are correct in that nothing is better, but incorrect in the fact that you just called me a man. I resent you for that, reader.
1. AmnesiaNesiaNesiaNesia

As The Space Needle Turns... 

Summary: DA soap opera, what could be better? If you said "Nothing, sir!" You are correct in that nothing is better, but incorrect in the fact that you just called me a man. I resent you for that, reader. 

Disclaimer: If they want them so bad, they can pry them from my cold, dead hands! 

A/N: I don't know what the firetruck is the matter with me either. Ahahaha. 

EPISODE ONE - "Amnesia...Nesia...Nesia...Nesia..."  
The wind whipped across Max's face, throwing her hair in every which direction, as she stood atop the Space Needle. The sun was setting behind her, causing her to seemingly glow a soft orange, which was both eerie and beautiful. She sighed and turned to walk into the used-to-be-restaurant of the Needle, but stopped and gasped audibly and overly dramatically. 

"What are you doing here?" She asked, her hand flying up to her chest to clutch dramatically at her heart. 

Logan stood motionless, allowing the effect of the whipping wind and orange glow of the sun to sink in. Finally he braced himself dramatically, then grabbed Max and brought her close. "Max, it's Cindy..." 

"Oh God..." She whispered dramatically and then turned into a pseudo puddle in Logan's arms. "What's happened?" 

"There's been... an accident." He paused, to let this fact sink into Max's head. After she gave a sharp intake of breath, he continued. "She was hit by an across town bus only a few moments ago. They say she'll live, but... she'll have AMNESIA...NESIA...NESIA..." 

_Am I the only one that heard that echo?_ Max thought. She pressed a hand to her forehead and swooned. "I feel faint. You must take me to her!" 

"I have the car running. Come quickly!" 

**_The Dark Angel theme song plays, but slower and more whimsical. Slowly everything fades out and flashes of Max, Logan, Original Cindy, Alec, Kendra, and whatever random people and what have you zip by. Then everything comes back in focus..._**

Max seated herself by Cindy's bedside, crying openly and wailing like she would not see tomorrow. She accepted a tissue from Logan and blotted her eyes. 

"Oh, oh, Cindy, do you remember me?" 

Max moved extremely close to Cindy's face, to give herself the impression of an extreme close up. Cindy's eyes widened and she held a confused look on her face. "I don't remember!" 

Max began to weep and threw herself on the floor. Logan dropped to his knees beside her and let out a fierce cry of "Why, God, why?" 

The door opened suddenly and Dr. Alec McAlecson swept into the room, his overly starched lab coat flailing behind him dramatically. "I might be able to help her!" 

Max pulled herself up from the floor and regarded Alec. "Oh. My. God." 

Logan got up and did the same. "McAlecson! ...Or should I say Alec-who-has-no-last-name!? What are _you_ doing back here? After what you did to recluse billionaire Normal... uh... Normal... uh..." 

"Peculiar!" Max offered. 

"I... I did not imagine us reuniting in such a way." Alec admitted and took on a stony countenance. "But now that we have... there is something you all must know." 

Max and Logan clung to each other, not sure they could take another shock. 

"You see," Alec said and removed his lab coat, then pointed to Cindy. "She is pregnant with my child!" 

"You bastard!" Max exclaimed and slapped him. 

"Who are you people!?" Original Cindy demanded. 

"What is this?" Alec asked, shocked. Quite dramatically shocked. 

"Don't you know?" Logan asked, dramatically of course. He took in a deep breath so he could boom, "She's got amnesia!" 

"No!" Alec screeched. 

"Yes!" Max screeched. 

"No!" Alec screeched. 

"Yes!" Max screeched. 

"No!" Alec screeched. 

"Yes!" Max screeched. 

"No!" Alec screeched. 

"Yes!" Max screeched. 

Then she slapped him. Dramatically. Then she broke down into tears and dissolved into a puddle on the floor. Whilst she was doing so, part witch, part skanky ho Kendra McKendrasonsen entered the room, wearing a conical hat and dominatrix outfit. 

"Dayum." Original Cindy muttered. Then she gasped. "I'm _gay_!" 

"She's remembered something!" Logan cried. 

"There _is_ hope!" Max squealed from the floor. 

While the trio celebrated, Alec began noticing the eyes Kendra McKendrasonsen was making at him... 

**_Next time, on AS THE SPACE NEEDLE TURNS..._**

"I've remembered something else!" Original Cindy exclaimed. 

**_Tune in next time to find out what happens!_**


	2. Golden Amulet and Photoshop

EPISODE TWO - "Golden Amulet and Photoshop"  
After celebrating Cindy's remembering, Max rushed to her friend's side and took her hand in hers. She didn't bother keeping the tears from her eyes. She was emoting, dammit! "Cindy, dahling, I love you. We all love you. We all need you to remember one little thing..." 

"Where your estranged father who faked his own death to collect the insurance on his own policy," Logan stopped to take a deep breath. "Hid the other half of this golden amulet!" 

Kendra stopped making eyes at Alec and began eavesdropping on the conversation. She skulked in the background, generating a generally evil presence. She was, after all, a witch. An _evil_ witch. Yes, Kendra McKendrasonsen was an evil voodoo priestess. She brought things like tea pots and ceramic figurines to life. Not dolls though. She found that _so_ pre-Pulse. 

"I don't know!" Cindy wailed and buried her face in her hands. Dramatically. 

"I thought you said there was something you could do!" Max yelled at Alec furiously. There was a little drama, but more ferocity really. 

"I don't know if it would work." Alec said and glided to Cindy's side. 

"Well, you must try!" Logan exclaimed, emotion in all his dramatic words. 

Alec pointed to Kendra. "_She_ might be able to help!" 

**_The Dark Angel theme song plays, but slower and more whimsical. Slowly everything fades out and flashes of Max, Logan, Original Cindy, Alec, Kendra, and whatever random people and what have you zip by. Then everything comes back in focus..._**

Kendra gasped dramatically. "Out me and I shall out you, Alec!" 

Alec stopped pointing. "There's a medication. It's experimental and it might make her.... DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN... mentally insane!" 

Max gasped like nobody's business. "No!" 

Alec's eyes widened. "Yes!" 

"No!" 

"Yes!" 

"No!" 

"Yes!" 

"I've remembered something else!" Original Cindy exclaimed. 

"The amulet?" Max was hopeful. Very hopeful. Not dramatically hopeful though. Not yet. 

"No." Cindy shook her head. 

"Then what then?" Max demanded. 

"I... I... I like Xena a lot!" OC exclaimed dramatically. 

"Blast!" Logan exclaimed. He really wanted that amulet. 

The door opened again and an extremely handsome and stereotypical soap opera man entered the room. Dramatically. He pushed Logan and Alec away from the bed, then sat next to Max. He took her hand in his then took Original Cindy's hand for good measure. 

"Max, I am Blane Dirk and I am in love with you!" He exclaimed. 

Max gasped. "Why, I am almost certain I am not in love with you!" 

Blane dropped Cindy's hand like a bad habit and fished some incriminating photos from his pocket. Then he put them back because they were incriminating photos of himself in a pink thong with two dollops of cheese whiz covering his nipples. He then pulled out some photos of him and Max kissing on a train, plane, Great Dane, and in Spain. It's obvious that they're Photoshop jobs, but if that was revealed now it wouldn't be dramatic, would it? No, no it would not. 

Max was shocked. Dramatically shocked. She removed her hand from Blane's grasp. "I can assure you, Blane, that I would not kiss you on a train or a plane. And certainly not on a Great Dane or even in Spain! I would take great care not to kiss you anywhere!" 

"How could you!?" Logan exclaimed. Dramatically. In typical soap fashion, he stormed from the room before Max could explain. 

"Oh woe!" Max exclaimed and chased after Logan. 

Kendra put a hand on Alec's shoulder. "It'll be all right, my pet. If you just remember our deal." 

Alec gritted his teeth. "How could I forget?" 

"I don't know!" Cindy exclaimed. That's because she had AMNESIA... NESIA... NESIA... NESIA... 

Blane huffed and puffed, then stormed from the room, intent on killing Logan in the study with a revolver. 

**_Next time, on AS THE SPACE NEEDLE TURNS..._**

"Long story short, dear brother, you and I are... brothers. Due to that affair I just told you about!" Dramatically. 

**_Tune in next time to find out what happens!_**


	3. HalfBrothers and Genetically Engineered ...

EPISODE THREE - "Half-Brothers and Genetically Engineered Brothers - Oh My!"  
Max had finally caught up with Logan. He was standing near the coffee machine, a far off and sad look in his eyes. She took a dramatic deep breath and approached him slowly. She tapped lightly on his shoulder and he wheeled around dramatically to face her and give her a dramatically hurt look. 

"What?" He demanded. "If you've come to find my heart, you will not find it with me, for it is now on the bottom of your shoes." 

Max clutched dramatically at her heart as she does so well. "Logan, please. You must believe me! I've never seen Blane before in my life!" 

"Those incriminating photos would suggest otherwise, wouldn't they?" 

"He made them in a Photoshop program, Logan, I swear!" Max sniffled. "I've never even been to Spain!" 

"But you have been on trains and planes!" Logan shot back, his voice dramatically booming. 

Max looked away. She knew what he said was true. She **had** been on planes and trains, and she had even been near a Great Dane. She turned back to him, determined. "Logan, would I have this tattoo if what I was saying wasn't true?" 

**_The Dark Angel theme song plays, but slower and more whimsical. Slowly everything fades out and flashes of Max, Logan, Original Cindy, Alec, Kendra, and whatever random people and what have you zip by. Then everything comes back in focus..._**

She started to unbutton her pants, preparing to show him his name that was tattooed on her ass. She had gotten the tattoo after drinking mighty heavily (thank God her friends had stepped in to stop her alcoholism!) and a game of checkers with Original Cindy. 

"Don't bother." Logan told her. "I've seen it." 

"I know." She said and buttoned her pants back up. "Just sayin'." 

It was then Blane came upon the scene. He looked from Logan to Max. Logan to Max. Logan to Max. Logan to Max. Logan to Max. Logan to Max. Logan to - 

"Enough!" Max yelled. "Enough of your _lies_!" 

Blane shoved the photos in her face. "Lies? Oh ho, Max, we all know the truth!" 

"Yes, and it is that you are lying!" She exclaimed. "I have never been to Spain with you, Blane!" 

"But she's been on trains and planes!" Logan crossed his arms dramatically. 

"And so have you, Logan." Blane said, shoving the photos into Max's arms. 

"So?" 

"So?" Blane chuckled evilly. No drama this time. Just evil. "So, dear Logan, so... was our father." 

"My fath - wait, _our_ father? Who art **not** in heaven?" Logan was in disbelief. Dramatically. 

"Oh my God!" Max squealed in realization and horror. She dropped the photos to the ground and made the 'Home Alone' face. 

"It can't be!" Logan exclaimed. 

"But it can and it is!" Blane exclaimed and dramatically revealed the blood tests that certainly proved it. "Our father had a wandering eye, Logan." 

"No!" 

"He met a woman named Sandra in New York." 

"No!" 

"Long story short, dear brother, you and I are... brothers. Due to that affair I just told you about!" Dramatically. 

"No!" Logan exclaimed. 

"But where do I factor in?" Max asked. "Why me?" 

"Because," Blane explained. "All these years I've known about my no good father and Logan here. Logan's had everything I wanted and now I plan to take all that he has! Ahahaha!" 

"You can't just _take_ me." Max said angrily. "I'll kick your ass!" 

"Or will you?" 

Everyone gasped dramatically and turned to see.... Zack! He was standing in the shadows. He made his way over to the group and stood next to Blane. 

"Or will you, Maxie?" 

"Zack! What are _you_ doing here?" Max exclaimed. Dramatically. 

"I came with Blane." Zack told her. "He made me an offer I couldn't refuse." 

Blane cleared that up. "After I'm done with you, he gets you." 

"What!?" Max exclaimed. More pissed than dramatically. 

"It's the perfect plan!" Blane said. "After I rub it in Logan's face that I have taken you, I'll no longer need you. But Zack here has been obsessed with you for a very long time and will make very good use of you." 

Zack licked his lips and reached to touch Max's bouncy, curly, etc. hair. She swatted his hand away and went to hide behind Logan. Logan stepped away, however. 

"You've been on planes and trains!" He exclaimed. "And now you shall have your just desserts!" 

He then stormed furiously down the hallway. 

"I don't want dessert!" Max exclaimed. "I want to continue eating the main course! Surf and turf! It's delicious! Wait for me, Logan!" 

She tried to run after him, but Zack grabbed the back of her shirt and effectively stopped her. 

"Fiend!" Max exclaimed. 

"You'll go so well with my furniture." Zack said, a dramatic desire in his voice. 

**_Next time, on AS THE SPACE NEEDLE TURNS..._**

"It's hard to forget those incriminating photos, you know." He relaxed a bit. He was ready to forgive her for being on trains and planes, when suddenly... 

**_Tune in next time to find out what happens!_**


	4. Death of a Salesgirl and Walk By Keyboar...

EPISODE FOUR - "Death of a Salesgirl and Walk By Keyboarding"  
Blane took Max from Zack's grasp, much to Zack's dismay. He gathered her in his arms and smiled down at her. 

"Now, my sweet, I shall kiss you and have Zack videotape it and then we'll send it to Logan and he'll see it and he'll be very disappointed in you and your choices and then Zack will take you away to Canada!" Blane then took a deep breath. 

"One, you will not be kissing me! Two, if you do manage to somehow, I'll tamper with his mail and he'll never know! Three, I'll kick Zack's ass!" Max told him and got out of Blane's grasp by head-butting him. 

Before she could sprint down the hall, Zack grabbed her arm. "Mmmm, Max." 

Max shuddered and grabbed Zack's arm, then flipped him over her head. She laughed triumphantly and then ran down the hall after Logan. 

"Well, get her!" Blane screamed, waving his incriminating photos of Zack in a 'pretty, pretty princess' outfit. 

Zack scowled at him but jetted off after her. 

**_The Dark Angel theme song plays, but slower and more whimsical. Slowly everything fades out and flashes of Max, Logan, Original Cindy, Alec, Kendra, and whatever random people and what have you zip by. Then everything comes back in focus..._**

Alec then came onto the scene, with Kendra hovering behind him. "What's happened?" 

"Max has gone simply _insane_!" Blane exclaimed. "She needs to be locked up!" 

"And why is that?" Alec asked. 

"Because she threatened to kill me!" Blane paused. Then grinned evilly. Cause he had an evil plan. "Threatened to kill me using witchcraft!" 

Kendra gasped and grabbed Alec's arm, then whipped him around to face her. "We can't let her steal my thunder! After her, pet!" 

Alec glared at her but ran off after Max and the others. Kendra looked down at Blane and smiled evilly at him. 

"And I know just what to do with you..." 

Meanwhile, near the front desk... 

"Logan, don't storm dramatically out that front door!" 

Logan stopped at Max's dramatic words, but did not turn around. He clenched his fists and wondered what his response should be. Before he could decide, however, Max had moved around to stand in front of him. 

"The tattoo..." She said weakly. But dramatically. 

"You've been on trains and planes." His voice was cracked. Woe! Oh, woe! 

"But so have you, Logan." She said, grabbing his hand. "It's just something we have in common." 

"It's hard to forget those incriminating photos, you know." He relaxed a bit. He was ready to forgive her for being on trains and planes, when suddenly... 

Zack burst into the lobby, barreling through a small crowd of people who were looking to buy some sandwiches and snacks from a woman. At impact, the woman went flying into the front desk and banged her head bad. Real bad. 

"Max!" Zack yelled. 

Max cringed and tried to hide herself in Logan's jacket. It didn't work. "Blast!" 

"You're going to kiss Blane so I can then take you to Canada and have you make many a little Zack, Jr." 

"I'll do no such thing!" Max cried and leapt out from behind Logan. "I will, however, be kicking your ass now." 

Zack dropped into his fighting stance and so did Max. They approached each other slowly. They were just about to get to fighting, but a cry stopped them. 

"She's dead!" Someone cried. "That crazy man killed the sandwich salesgirl!" 

The small crowd of people, angry that they couldn't now buy sandwiches, advanced on Zack. They leapt on top of him and began beating him like they'd never beaten something before. He managed to fight them off for a few minutes, but they eventually got the better of him and beat him into unconsciousness. Amazing. 

Max watched the scene, then turned to Logan and smiled. "Maybe things will work out for us." 

Alec then entered the lobby. He jumped over the mass of bodies beating Zack and tackled Max to the ground. 

"Why, Alec, why?" Max exclaimed as she struggled against him. But he had played football for Manticore U. He was too much for her. She hadn't even been a cheerleader. 

"I just have to!" He exclaimed and punched her a good one. 

That just dramatically outraged Logan and he picked up... um...! Oh! The keyboard of the nurse's computer and smacked Alec in the side of the head with it. Smack. Smack. Smack! Smack! SMACK! Alec became distracted and Max was able to push him away and get to her feet. 

"You don't understand!" Alec exclaimed, dodging the keyboard as it flew at his head. Max was taking swings now. "I have to do this!" 

"I -" Smack. "Don't -" Smack. "Care!" Smack. Max exclaimed angrily. 

Alec put his arm up, blocking the next strike of the keyboard. He then grabbed it quickly and wrenched it from Max's grasp. Then broke it over his knee dramatically. He then grabbed Max and snaked an arm around her neck. 

"It has to be this way." Alec told her quietly. 

Clapping was then heard. Kendra was on the scene now, and she was carrying a tea pot. 

**_Next time, on AS THE SPACE NEEDLE TURNS..._**

"Stop calling me pet, damn you!" Alec exclaimed. "I'm done doing your dirty work." 

**_Tune in next time to find out what happens!_**


	5. What Way Has It Got To Be?

EPISODE FIVE - "What Way Has It Got To Be?"  
While Alec was temporarily distracted by staring at the tea pot Kendra was holding, Max grabbed onto his arms and flipped him over her head. She then grabbed one of the pieces of the broken keyboard and slammed it on his face, leaving key imprints on one side of his face. 

"It **doesn't** have to be this way!" She screamed at him. 

He looked up at her and... were those tears? He took a deep breath and it was obvious he was trying to fight off a fountain of tears. He raised his hands in surrender and slowly pulled himself to his feet. 

"It does have to be this way." He said. "It _always_ has to be this way?" 

It was dramatic. 

"Why?" Max asked quietly. 

Enraged, he pointed to Kendra. "Because she turned my biological father into a ceramic figurine!" 

**_The Dark Angel theme song plays, but slower and more whimsical. Slowly everything fades out and flashes of Max, Logan, Original Cindy, Alec, Kendra, and whatever random people and what have you zip by. Then everything comes back in focus..._**

Everyone gasped dramatically. Except for evil Kendra. She just smiled evilly and set the tea pot she was holding on the front desk. "Very good, pet." 

"Stop calling me pet, damn you!" Alec exclaimed. "I'm done doing your dirty work." 

Kendra just continued to smile. "Or are you? How do you expect to get your father back, hmm? You think I'll suddenly see the light of good and turn him back and you can have a tearful reunion. I don't think so!" 

She pushed the tea pot onto the floor. "I've been too damn long on this, Alec. I'm not going to let a little transgenic get in my way." 

Alec was staring at the shattered tea pot on the floor. "Who -" 

"It was Blane." Kendra crossed her arms. She smirked and looked at Max and Logan. "I guess all your problems are solved, huh?" 

"Monster!" Max exclaimed dramatically and pointed at Kendra. 

"Or am I your best friend?" Kendra said. "I just solved all your train and plane problems in one swoop." 

"She does have a point." Logan shrugged. "Blane _was_ pain in the ass." 

Max mulled that over. Dramatically. "I guess you're right. All right, well we're gonna go then I guess. Good luck with all your... stuff, Alec. Bye!" 

Max and Logan linked arms then skipped out of the hospital and into the sunset on the horizon. Everyone has a feeling this won't be the last time we see them. 

"Release my father." Alec demanded. Dramatically. 

"Um, how about... no." Kendra snickered. "I mean, you could take me up on my offer and -" 

"I'd rather be a tea pot myself than have wild monkey sex with you!" Alec exclaimed. 

"That can be arranged!" Kendra exclaimed wildly and raised her hands, ready to cast a become-a-tea-pot spell on Alec. 

**_Next time, on AS THE SPACE NEEDLE TURNS..._**

"All right," The head security man said fiercely. "What in the hell happened here?" 

**_Tune in next time to find out what happens!_**


	6. Reverie For A Life In Nebraska

EPISODE SIX - "Reverie For A Life In Nebraska"  
Kendra was stopped when Original Cindy suddenly appeared behind her, a piece of the broken keyboard in her hands. Without wasting any time, OC smashed Kendra across the back of the head, sending her to the ground, unconscious. 

Alec breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, I -" 

"Fool, I don't wanna be hearin' none of what you got to say." She interrupted. "I wanna know why I'm pregnant with yo' baby and the story better be good!" 

Alec chuckled and shook his head slowly. "You're not really pregnant with my child. I needed to distract everyone back there and -" 

"You lied to a woman with amnesia to save your own ass!?" Original Cindy exclaimed. She raised the keyboard and approached Alec. "Get over here so I can kick your ass!" 

Alec's eyes widened, but before Original Cindy could reach him, hospital security stormed into the lobby. They had guns and everything, cause that's the way it is. 

"Freeze!" One of them yelled. 

**_The Dark Angel theme song plays, but slower and more whimsical. Slowly everything fades out and flashes of Max, Logan, Original Cindy, Alec, Kendra, and whatever random people and what have you zip by. Then everything comes back in focus..._**

Alec and Original Cindy raised their hands and the group of crazy people that had attacked Zack picked themselves up off the floor and raised their hands as well. 

"All right," The head security man said fiercely. "What in the hell happened here?" 

"Well, it's a long story that starts with me getting hit by a bus and -" 

"Nevermind." The man sighed, interrupting Cindy. "Just tell me who needs to be arrested." 

Alec pointed to Zack and Kendra. "They do. Lock 'em up and throw away the key. Oh, and someone might want to give that tea pot a burial too." 

Meanwhile, on top of the Space Needle... 

The wind whipped across Max and Logan's faces, throwing their hair in every which direction. The sun was setting behind them, causing them to seemingly glow a soft orange, which was both eerie and beautiful. Yes, that paragraph is familiar, isn't it? 

"So how long did your tattoo take to heal?" Logan asked. Not dramatically, for his ass was in a bit of pain. 

"Only, like, a day, but I do have those superhuman genetics and all." Max chuckled softly. "So... do you think everything worked out okay?" 

Logan mulled that over. "I hope so." 

"Me too, me too." Max nodded. "I mean, if didn't..." 

Logan knew just what to do. 

"We'll move to Nebraska." 

**_Unfortunately, STV has decided to cancel AS THE SPACE NEEDLE TURNS. Unless someone gets a spin-off or there's a fan response, this is... The End_**


End file.
